Firstly and perhaps most noticeably (for me at any rate) whenever i hear a sound it has a sort of shape, depth, and colour in my mind's eye. For instance, most people's voices are yellow and sort of rubbery; a piano key looks like a blue pearl, etc.
Letters and numbers have a sort of "assigned" colour, because of this i'm really good with names and dates; days of the week and the months of the year also have a shape and colour (i only learnt recently that i'm not the only person who has this).
i've also noticed recently that types of pain seem to have a colour as well (i have a headache right now and it's this sort of pulsating orange, oh dear.)
Friday, 16 December 2011
Thursday, 8 December 2011
Laurie Anderson
I'm reading this book by Laurie Anderson, the first thing she tells me is... "My work is always about communicating." She managed to cross from avant-garde obscurity to the mainstream without compromising her ideas.
instead of shocking the audiences to change their minds (like Dadaists and Futurists in 1920's and Fluxus artists in 1960's) she used images and streams of words.
her rhythms were found from ordinary conversations or arguments.
collaged instruments from found objects. natural sounds.
film maker Rainer Werner Fassbinder.
scientist Nikola Tesla.
the real vehicle for her thought is language. she cuts and splices words and sentences. her songs are filled with meaning then emptied of it.
why flatten the words out as text, just say them
video lack live performance and scale.
the use of video live - video bow. a camera on her face and projected onto a big screen behind
instead of shocking the audiences to change their minds (like Dadaists and Futurists in 1920's and Fluxus artists in 1960's) she used images and streams of words.
her rhythms were found from ordinary conversations or arguments.
collaged instruments from found objects. natural sounds.
film maker Rainer Werner Fassbinder.
scientist Nikola Tesla.
the real vehicle for her thought is language. she cuts and splices words and sentences. her songs are filled with meaning then emptied of it.
why flatten the words out as text, just say them
video lack live performance and scale.
the use of video live - video bow. a camera on her face and projected onto a big screen behind
Sunday, 4 December 2011
Celibacy End
Okay so I spoke midway through the celibate week but I’m going to speak again now to try and summarise what it taught me and how it made me feel.
I guess going into the week I was a bit overly confident. I was pushing for a month of celibacy, or at least a fortnight but within a few hours I was pleased we had agreed on 168 hours.
I knew it would be hard but I thought it may teach me to love you in a new way, or at least express my love to you in a new way. But I think all I ended up doing was to treat you like I didn't love you.
I’m an affectionate person; I like to hold you, to kiss you, regularly.
But without this outlet of physical love or appreciation, I struggled to find new ways to show you that I loved you.
It sounds pathetic really and I don't think I’m proud of it.
But when we caught eye to eye, I looked away as if I hardly knew you. For me it was a defence mechanism. Your eyes are often the first thing to pull me in. I catch them, sometimes just a fleeting glance, but the softness of them I cannot escape. Dark eyes have always aroused me.
The ways the pupil and the iris become almost one, so it's just like a dark pit. A mysterious puddle. And I have to dip my toe in.
So when you looked at me, I had to look away, I had to shield myself from your gaze or I knew our game would be up within 360 degrees of the second’s hand.
This meant we lost the smiles.
In the silence of a lecture theatre, that's what we share between us to show one another we mean what we do, or sat in the middle of a busy room. These looks are all we have, all we can offer each other as a token of our love. They stand to replace the physical contact that would inevitable come if we were alone.
But I could no longer give you these looks, I simply had to turn away, or else I could never make it through the week.
But with the vacancy of these looks there arrived an air of coldness about me, and yes this is something I know you must have felt, and I want you to know I felt it too.
I was cold and loveless. Nothing was demanding I stopped acting like I love you, all was asked was that I could not show that I did physically, but I could not.
I should have replaced the physical contact with words and with ears but I had little time for discussions.
I was brimming with testosterone and this made me tense and agitated.
I could not sleep. Each night I went to bed hours after you. I just sat up alone in the front room watching repeats of the world’s strictest parents at 3.30am.
I think this was potentially one of the hardest weeks of my life. I concede, in the grand scheme of things I’ve had a relatively easy life, but this really was a touch week.
But I think that in terms of research for this piece it has taught me a lot.
I think the most important thing it has taught me is that we cannot do a piece about our relationship, or about love, without some physical outlet. I’m not saying the outlet must be sexual in a literal way, but we must, in our own way express the sexual desires we possess. If we wish to create an honest piece of work about an honest relationship, then there is no way we can shield from the physical outlet which helps to hold or to pull everything together. We must respect that the week of celibacy has been maybe our hardest week together and that this obviously presents how the need for romance of just a regular fuck is urgent.
I guess going into the week I was a bit overly confident. I was pushing for a month of celibacy, or at least a fortnight but within a few hours I was pleased we had agreed on 168 hours.
I knew it would be hard but I thought it may teach me to love you in a new way, or at least express my love to you in a new way. But I think all I ended up doing was to treat you like I didn't love you.
I’m an affectionate person; I like to hold you, to kiss you, regularly.
But without this outlet of physical love or appreciation, I struggled to find new ways to show you that I loved you.
It sounds pathetic really and I don't think I’m proud of it.
But when we caught eye to eye, I looked away as if I hardly knew you. For me it was a defence mechanism. Your eyes are often the first thing to pull me in. I catch them, sometimes just a fleeting glance, but the softness of them I cannot escape. Dark eyes have always aroused me.
The ways the pupil and the iris become almost one, so it's just like a dark pit. A mysterious puddle. And I have to dip my toe in.
So when you looked at me, I had to look away, I had to shield myself from your gaze or I knew our game would be up within 360 degrees of the second’s hand.
This meant we lost the smiles.
In the silence of a lecture theatre, that's what we share between us to show one another we mean what we do, or sat in the middle of a busy room. These looks are all we have, all we can offer each other as a token of our love. They stand to replace the physical contact that would inevitable come if we were alone.
But I could no longer give you these looks, I simply had to turn away, or else I could never make it through the week.
But with the vacancy of these looks there arrived an air of coldness about me, and yes this is something I know you must have felt, and I want you to know I felt it too.
I was cold and loveless. Nothing was demanding I stopped acting like I love you, all was asked was that I could not show that I did physically, but I could not.
I should have replaced the physical contact with words and with ears but I had little time for discussions.
I was brimming with testosterone and this made me tense and agitated.
I could not sleep. Each night I went to bed hours after you. I just sat up alone in the front room watching repeats of the world’s strictest parents at 3.30am.
I think this was potentially one of the hardest weeks of my life. I concede, in the grand scheme of things I’ve had a relatively easy life, but this really was a touch week.
But I think that in terms of research for this piece it has taught me a lot.
I think the most important thing it has taught me is that we cannot do a piece about our relationship, or about love, without some physical outlet. I’m not saying the outlet must be sexual in a literal way, but we must, in our own way express the sexual desires we possess. If we wish to create an honest piece of work about an honest relationship, then there is no way we can shield from the physical outlet which helps to hold or to pull everything together. We must respect that the week of celibacy has been maybe our hardest week together and that this obviously presents how the need for romance of just a regular fuck is urgent.
Monday, 28 November 2011
Kira O'Reilly Workshop
Last Tuesday we had the pleasure of participating in a workshop run by Kira O'Reilly. She came into Goldsmiths and took over our three hour period, to help us develop new ways of working and new methodologies that she has found successful in her career.
I will briefly explain each of the activities we did and outline what they involved and what they achieved.
Initially we began with the classical drama introduction of moving about the space, stretching our bodies and attempting to focus our thoughts on the upcoming session. after this short warm-up, we began a few workshops;
Firstly we formed a line along the far wall and were asked to face into the centre of the room, making sure we were aware of our postures and focus. we were then drawn an imaginary line around three metres away and told to walk slowly towards the line, taking around three minutes to reach it. we were asked to imagine a piece of ribbon flowing from our backs, keeping our necks long and straight and heads up. We were told to focus not necessarily on where we were going, but where we were coming from.
After the three minutes we were asked to then form two lines either side of the room, facing in at each other. We were then told to repeat the same exercise, but this time to walk towards the person opposite. This i believe was again an extension of the warm-up as a way of focusing us, and preparing us mentally for the forthcoming session.
the second part of the workshop saw us sat in a circle in the middle of the studio, with a pen and some paper in hand. this task was outlined as re-imagining our own autonomy, or recreating an alternative autonomy. this task began with being asked to draw the insides of our mouths. we were asked to use our tongue in order to locate and familiarise ourselves with the inside of our mouth then had three minutes to draw what we felt. we repeated this task two times. the first time we did the task i attempted an accurate account of the inside of my mouth, attempting to master scale, depth and texture. this however ended in a poorly constructed generic mouth, i was basing it on how i felt a mouth should lokk, and not on what i felt with my tongue. however the second time we came to doing the drawing we were asked to do it with our eyes closed. and this resulted in a more honest drawing, although not technically accurate, it was based more on feeling and impulse and helped rid the drawing of the falseness from before.
after this we were asked to inhale and exhale and to again draw internally what we felt when we did this. again we all did this task with our eyes close and although the images didn't display a biologically accurate process of inhillation (diaphragm and lungs expanding and contracting) it did have a truthfulness to it which in a funny way was more honest than the biological truth.
This task was very useful as a way of getting us to think about our bodies in alternative ways. it helped us remove the generic image of bodily parts and helped us find a truthfulness by shutting our eyes and drawing what we felt, what we saw without the use of vision.
The next task we engaged in was we made a pile of books in the centre of the room and all sat around the circumference of them. going clockwise around the circle, we would each pick up any of the books or articles before us, without thinking about which, open the text at random and start reading from where our eyes first go. we would each read a sentence or two before stopping, replacing the book and waiting for the next person to go.
I found this task, in the context of the lesson, rather unproductive and relatively tedious. There was no rhythm to the exercise and instead of creating a new text from these old texts, we were simply seeming to read random lines aloud. i think this could have been improved if before everybody was given a book at random and they would be prepared with a line before their turn. not as in they'd chose a line, but they'd place their finger without looking on a section of the text and when it was their turn would begin reading immediately. the exercise was a bit slow and lacked energy and therefore didn't make much of an impression. however, i do feel like if this was pursued individually, then the results may be far more interesting. it may be something i chose to do alone sometime even though it didn't really lend itself to the circumstance in which we used it.
The final task was to make a short, individual piece of performance, based on what we had learnt or achieved so far in the workshop. the only rules we had were that it could be no longer than one minute in duration, we had to focus on a small area of our bodies, we could use any props that happened to be in the room, and finally we had twenty minutes to experiment and create the piece. what i thought good about this exercise was that it got us thinking about our own bodies and the uniqueness and interest of certain parts of them. it helped us to channel all our focus into one small area, again highlighting that it's best to rinse one idea than explore many different ones. at the end of the session, we had a running order and one by one we would perform in the space. the atmosphere was very professional, with the artist directing where the audience must stand and there was no clapping in between pieces.
The workshop was thoroughly useful in all areas, and even in the one workshop which i found a bit tedious and pointless, i do feel like i may visit it again in the future but in a different environment. the things which i feel were most interesting and useful about this workshop was the creating an alternative autonomy and that it's best to create performance from one simple idea than a number of different ones. It also helped to set up a professional working environment with all of us taking ourselves seriously as artists and gave a useful insight into the etiquette of performance in art.
I will briefly explain each of the activities we did and outline what they involved and what they achieved.
Initially we began with the classical drama introduction of moving about the space, stretching our bodies and attempting to focus our thoughts on the upcoming session. after this short warm-up, we began a few workshops;
Firstly we formed a line along the far wall and were asked to face into the centre of the room, making sure we were aware of our postures and focus. we were then drawn an imaginary line around three metres away and told to walk slowly towards the line, taking around three minutes to reach it. we were asked to imagine a piece of ribbon flowing from our backs, keeping our necks long and straight and heads up. We were told to focus not necessarily on where we were going, but where we were coming from.
After the three minutes we were asked to then form two lines either side of the room, facing in at each other. We were then told to repeat the same exercise, but this time to walk towards the person opposite. This i believe was again an extension of the warm-up as a way of focusing us, and preparing us mentally for the forthcoming session.
the second part of the workshop saw us sat in a circle in the middle of the studio, with a pen and some paper in hand. this task was outlined as re-imagining our own autonomy, or recreating an alternative autonomy. this task began with being asked to draw the insides of our mouths. we were asked to use our tongue in order to locate and familiarise ourselves with the inside of our mouth then had three minutes to draw what we felt. we repeated this task two times. the first time we did the task i attempted an accurate account of the inside of my mouth, attempting to master scale, depth and texture. this however ended in a poorly constructed generic mouth, i was basing it on how i felt a mouth should lokk, and not on what i felt with my tongue. however the second time we came to doing the drawing we were asked to do it with our eyes closed. and this resulted in a more honest drawing, although not technically accurate, it was based more on feeling and impulse and helped rid the drawing of the falseness from before.
after this we were asked to inhale and exhale and to again draw internally what we felt when we did this. again we all did this task with our eyes close and although the images didn't display a biologically accurate process of inhillation (diaphragm and lungs expanding and contracting) it did have a truthfulness to it which in a funny way was more honest than the biological truth.
This task was very useful as a way of getting us to think about our bodies in alternative ways. it helped us remove the generic image of bodily parts and helped us find a truthfulness by shutting our eyes and drawing what we felt, what we saw without the use of vision.
The next task we engaged in was we made a pile of books in the centre of the room and all sat around the circumference of them. going clockwise around the circle, we would each pick up any of the books or articles before us, without thinking about which, open the text at random and start reading from where our eyes first go. we would each read a sentence or two before stopping, replacing the book and waiting for the next person to go.
I found this task, in the context of the lesson, rather unproductive and relatively tedious. There was no rhythm to the exercise and instead of creating a new text from these old texts, we were simply seeming to read random lines aloud. i think this could have been improved if before everybody was given a book at random and they would be prepared with a line before their turn. not as in they'd chose a line, but they'd place their finger without looking on a section of the text and when it was their turn would begin reading immediately. the exercise was a bit slow and lacked energy and therefore didn't make much of an impression. however, i do feel like if this was pursued individually, then the results may be far more interesting. it may be something i chose to do alone sometime even though it didn't really lend itself to the circumstance in which we used it.
The final task was to make a short, individual piece of performance, based on what we had learnt or achieved so far in the workshop. the only rules we had were that it could be no longer than one minute in duration, we had to focus on a small area of our bodies, we could use any props that happened to be in the room, and finally we had twenty minutes to experiment and create the piece. what i thought good about this exercise was that it got us thinking about our own bodies and the uniqueness and interest of certain parts of them. it helped us to channel all our focus into one small area, again highlighting that it's best to rinse one idea than explore many different ones. at the end of the session, we had a running order and one by one we would perform in the space. the atmosphere was very professional, with the artist directing where the audience must stand and there was no clapping in between pieces.
The workshop was thoroughly useful in all areas, and even in the one workshop which i found a bit tedious and pointless, i do feel like i may visit it again in the future but in a different environment. the things which i feel were most interesting and useful about this workshop was the creating an alternative autonomy and that it's best to create performance from one simple idea than a number of different ones. It also helped to set up a professional working environment with all of us taking ourselves seriously as artists and gave a useful insight into the etiquette of performance in art.
logistical questions we must ask
How long does the piece have to be or is there no time frame?
Do we have to perform on campus?
Do we have a financial budget to work with?
If we use video, do we have to do the filming or could we ask someone to film it for us?
how many times do we perform the piece?
what are the performance dates?
Do we have to perform on campus?
Do we have a financial budget to work with?
If we use video, do we have to do the filming or could we ask someone to film it for us?
how many times do we perform the piece?
what are the performance dates?
Synonyms of love
Okay, so one idea we came up with was this idea of recording the synonyms of love to try and show the absurdity of defining love. with these synonyms we may make a video to try to depict each one but haven't fully decided what we'd do yet.
i had an idea that instead of getting random synonyms, it might be quite nice to track the path of synonyms. for example, what i mean by this, is we'd love at the synonyms of love first. we'd chose one of these and then look at the synonyms for that word. then we'd elect one of these and so one. this gives us a pathway from love to x.
here is an example to display what i mean using http://thesaurus.com/browse/love as a starting point
1. Love -> Fondness -> Tenderness -> Sympathy -> Agreement -> Bargaining -> Trade -> Contract -> Engagement
This is just one example of choosing synonyms at random, however in the future we could write down all the possible suggestions and let chance decide which one we elect.
i had an idea that instead of getting random synonyms, it might be quite nice to track the path of synonyms. for example, what i mean by this, is we'd love at the synonyms of love first. we'd chose one of these and then look at the synonyms for that word. then we'd elect one of these and so one. this gives us a pathway from love to x.
here is an example to display what i mean using http://thesaurus.com/browse/love as a starting point
1. Love -> Fondness -> Tenderness -> Sympathy -> Agreement -> Bargaining -> Trade -> Contract -> Engagement
This is just one example of choosing synonyms at random, however in the future we could write down all the possible suggestions and let chance decide which one we elect.
Threesome
We went to a few performances for this years SACRED held at Chelsea Theatre. On Thursday 24th November we saw three performances and here is a little bit about what we thought of each piece.
Martin O’Brien Mucus Factory:
This was an endurance piece which ran throughout the course of the evening, including when the spectators where in the main theatre watching one of the other pieces.
The studio space was made up of a small trampoline, a padded surgeon table and a raised platform at the back. The piece had two clear sections; a) the bouncing on the trampoline and the slapping technique performed whilst laying down which was used to clear the airways and encourage the flow of mucus, and b) the use of the mucus for purposes of vanity - styling hair and lubricating medical instruments for anus insertion. and these sections were completed in a cycle throughout the course of the evening.
what we found particularly compelling was the mirror which Martin performed beside. It stretched the length of one side wall, and every action was visible in the reflection of the mirror. this created a distancing effect as the entire piece could be watched in the reflection.
also the natural soundtrack created by the piece was compelling but to some extent painful to witness. it was made from the sounds of slapping and coughing and displayed a very visceral accompaniment to process of the performance. Also as the endurance piece wore on heavy breathing became part of the soundtrack and Martin grew in fatigue.
After clearing the airways and collecting the mucus, Martin used the collected mucus as a tool for vanity, displaying how the internal can become externalised. the mucus was collected and then used, in one sense, for pleasure. For example, the beautifying of appearance (styling hair and sticking glitter to his chest) as well as sexual pleasure using it as a lubricant.
however, in the post show discussion, Martin dismissed the idea of pleasure, saying that the despite the glitter being used as an appearance enhancer, it also became a painful addition, as when the piece wore on the glitter would get everywhere and when inserting the medical instrument into his anus, the glitter began to cut his skin.
Gillie Kleiman Ophelia is not Dead:
Joseph Mercier Giselle, or I’m too Horny to be a Prince:
The programme for the entire scared event can be found at this link
http://www.chelseatheatre.org.uk/data/downloads/SACRED%20Keeping%20the%20Faith%20Programme%20low%20res.pdf
Martin O’Brien Mucus Factory:
This was an endurance piece which ran throughout the course of the evening, including when the spectators where in the main theatre watching one of the other pieces.
The studio space was made up of a small trampoline, a padded surgeon table and a raised platform at the back. The piece had two clear sections; a) the bouncing on the trampoline and the slapping technique performed whilst laying down which was used to clear the airways and encourage the flow of mucus, and b) the use of the mucus for purposes of vanity - styling hair and lubricating medical instruments for anus insertion. and these sections were completed in a cycle throughout the course of the evening.
what we found particularly compelling was the mirror which Martin performed beside. It stretched the length of one side wall, and every action was visible in the reflection of the mirror. this created a distancing effect as the entire piece could be watched in the reflection.
also the natural soundtrack created by the piece was compelling but to some extent painful to witness. it was made from the sounds of slapping and coughing and displayed a very visceral accompaniment to process of the performance. Also as the endurance piece wore on heavy breathing became part of the soundtrack and Martin grew in fatigue.
After clearing the airways and collecting the mucus, Martin used the collected mucus as a tool for vanity, displaying how the internal can become externalised. the mucus was collected and then used, in one sense, for pleasure. For example, the beautifying of appearance (styling hair and sticking glitter to his chest) as well as sexual pleasure using it as a lubricant.
however, in the post show discussion, Martin dismissed the idea of pleasure, saying that the despite the glitter being used as an appearance enhancer, it also became a painful addition, as when the piece wore on the glitter would get everywhere and when inserting the medical instrument into his anus, the glitter began to cut his skin.
Gillie Kleiman Ophelia is not Dead:
Joseph Mercier Giselle, or I’m too Horny to be a Prince:
The programme for the entire scared event can be found at this link
http://www.chelseatheatre.org.uk/data/downloads/SACRED%20Keeping%20the%20Faith%20Programme%20low%20res.pdf
Sunday, 27 November 2011
TASK#3 extension idea
i have a friend, she is a synesthetes, as another idea for an 'expert' to interview in our idea #2 we may interview her. she was telling me about how there are some songs that she love in relation to their audio existence, however she cannot bring herself to listen to them due to the colour that they are. i asked her whether she could fall in love with a man (or woman) who concocted a nasty colour each time they spoke. she said she didn't know what she would do, but that it would be a very horrible situation. most people are yellow to her, and that is okay apparently. i would like to speak to this girl for research into the subject of the absurdity of love. if you have any questions you feel may be useful to ask, please post them in the comments section.
celi-butt
in relation to the week of celibacy: you see, what it is forcing me to do is constantly address what was before a subconscious impulse; instead of leaning down and kissing you or taking your hand inside mine, i now have to merely register that that is what i want to do but exactly what i cannot do. instead i must retract, changing the nature of this impulsive habit into a thought slash action process of dealing with and avoiding these desires. it makes me feel less like you're my girlfriend, more like the beginnings to that stage of taboo we went through eighteen months back; where we want to act on our feeling but know that we cannot (we weren't so good at that). except now it is different because today i have experienced around twelve months of constantly fulfilling these desires, at least when in your company. back then i guess i couldn't fully comprehend what i was missing. and although it pained my crotch to say no, for a while at least, i managed it. but now i have begun expecting these physical relations, they have become second nature. and in this i don't want to seem like they've become force of habit, or just something to be expected, almost endured, that isn't what i mean at all. i crave them constantly. i fuck you at night, sleep beside you and dream about fucking you then wake up and if we have time we fuck again. it hasn't become natural in the sense of being predictable, it's become natural in the sense of we both want it both so much (in amount) and so much (in regularity) that's it's just obvious that it's going to happen. but now it can't. only for a short while, but this short while is still far too long; all of a sudden, those luxuries, which were once so regular now cannot exist.
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